User blog:SPARTAN-08BLAM!/Journal Entry: 1
So I guess I'm gonna copy Stephen copying me :P. These past few weeks have been...tough. I should think all of you know why, and if you don't, this isn't the place to discuss such matters (save it for the IRC :P). Last Saturday, just when I thought my social life was in the gutter, dying of knife wounds to the kidneys, did my friend Sam call me up and asked me if I wanted to hang out with him and a couple of the guys. We had a blast, to say the least. However, the important thing was, that it made me realize how fun the real world was. After a friend of mine committed suicide a few months ago, and a week before that my girlfriend broke up with me (long story, one for an IRC chat :P), I secluded myself to the indoors. I didn't want to leave, I hated how people were reacting to his death. People who'd known him for half of the time I did. I didn't mourn openly, but I could feel myself sinking on the inside. Not only was I dealing with the loss of a girl I thought I loved, but also someone I knew for 5 years, and was friends with took his own life. Girls would ask me out occasionally, sometimes I would go, but I couldn't remember their names, or what we did the very next day. I decided to break away from my social life, and go with the two things that I knew could never die, or leave me. Writing and Music. It was about this time I met someone special. At first I didn't realize how much she'd change me, or the feelings they would give me, but I knew she wasn't just anyone. We started developing a friendship, it became stronger at a pretty steady pace, and before I knew it: I was crazy about this girl. At first I was afraid, I've had so much feelings for someone I've never physically met before. But I learned to accept it pretty quickly. When I finally was able to tell her my feelings, I discovered she felt the same, so a friend of ours decided that we would be best together. And then it grew, into something so wonderful and beautiful, my emotional state-of-mind was totally reversed. The sunshine felt warm again, I finally had a reason to smile. And it was all thanks to one of the best People I know. Unfortunately, I made a few bad decisions. I decided to betray him. I was a monster, all I wanted to do was save myself, and I used every reason I could find to make him at fault. The "War" as the people at Halo Fanon called it, was ugly and brutal. I wasn't really active in it. I was more of a watcher, but I was there for the people on our "side". But finally, our "side" fell, and instead of being noble, and honorable, I took the way out that would save me, and secure me a place at Halo Fanon. But at the cost of a friendship I wouldn't see the true value in for a month. So after this "war" life carried on. I was happy, because I was with her. I started having dreams, wonderful dreams, that just reaffirmed my feelings. It was one of the best times of my life. However, it would take a strange and unforeseeable turn (at least, unforeseeable to me). She left me for someone I thought was a friend. Turns out I was only an acquaintance... Now that I look back on it, I could have seen the signs, but I was too lost in ecstasy and happiness to realize the dark twist it would take. It was about then that I started talking to Stephen again. I was in so much pain, it was hard to deal with. But he was there. He made the world seem a brighter shade of grey. So I attempted to pick myself back up again, but I knew, deep in my heart that I would never get over her. She was the one I loved more than anything I've ever loved in my entire short life. (Now back to really recent times) On Sunday, I met someone I haven't seen in over six years: her name is Elena. It was so cool to see her again. We spent most of the day talking and catching up, getting to know each other better. I added her on Myspace a couple months back but, she was even more gorgeous in real life. My heart fell a bit. I was smiling the whole day. However, I discovered something when I got home. The girl I loved was having trouble. I wanted to help, oh god did I, but I don't think I did anything, I tired to help...But I discovered how she felt about me, and my feelings for Elena washed away. We didn't restart dating, but I think we are really good friends now. Last night, I had a dream. Like the ones I had when we were dating. But this one was extraordinary. It was so vivid, so realistic, it seemed more like a memory than anything else. It was exactly what I wanted. Category:SPARTAN-08BLAM! Category:Blog Category:Blog posts